Written 10th December 2024
I've talked a lot about perspective on spending and saving. I thought I would share a high level overview of my life with you, to prove my credibility on the subject.
I was born in 1972 to a 43year old office manager and a 25year old office clerk. My dad was from London, had 2 siblings and from what little I know, was middle class. My mum was one of 8 kids, to a garage mechanic and stay at home mum. They lived on a council estate and were pretty poor as you can imagine having 8 kids, my Grandad earned 50p a week, everything was fixed, hand me down and make do. My mum had 3 sets of clothes, 1 for school, 1 for play and 1 for church.
I am the oldest of 3 kids. I was never hungry, I was never cold and always had clean clothes. I'd never been to a hairdressers until I was 8. Most of my clothes came from hand me downs and jumble sales. We lived on simple food like ravioli and rice, bangers and mash, spag bol, mince and mash or beans on toast and never ate out. Mum would cut a triangle cheese in half, spread it on toast and that was what I was told was cheese on toast. We had margarine on Weetabix if she didn't have any milk. We'd walk every weekend, with a shopping trolley, a mile and a half each way to get the shopping. We only ever got presents at Christmas and birthdays from our parents and only ever got cards from any relatives or family friends.
I hope you get the jist?
Do you think I felt hard done by? Like I was missing out? I didn't know any different. I was loved and fed and happy.
When I was 11 my parents divorced and mum moved us 100 miles away to where she was from to start her life again. Her main motivation was to be nearer her family and house prices were significantly cheaper.
My teenage years were ok and I did ok at school and got 9 GCSEs. We had to do chores like washing up to earn our pocket money which was no more than £1 a week and I babysat regularly from age 12. I'd spend my cash on bus fare to school or fags or singles or maybe clothes. And because I didn't have a clue what I wanted to be, I just got a job when I left school at 15. I was fortunate enough to get a job with one of the big four high street banks and worked there for 4 years. Back then cashpoints were a fairly new thing and they were the only automated part of the banking system for a customer so the banking branch was a busy place to be. No Internet access to a person's standing orders or a loan application, everything was done in the branch. You used to have to see the Manager for a mortgage. You get my drift and may remember these days yourself if you're a bit older. But we weren't allowed to go overdrawn, it was a sackable offence, so from day one, I was taught to live within my means.
When I started work, my mum wanted me to give her half my wages for housekeeping but I managed to negotiate that down to £65 a month. About a 5th of my take home pay.
She also demanded I take out a small life insurance policy in the form of a ten year endowment plan. 'Because I don't want to have to pay to bury you'. I kid you not, those are her exact words!
The point of telling you this is, I didn't have a great job with an amazing salary, free living at home or any financial support from my family.
I did get a loan for my first car when I was 17, a 1977 Ford Escort sport in bright orange. I paid for my driving lessons myself and my insurance cost almost as much as the car. My Mum told me a car would keep me poor and she was right. That old banger was always breaking down but fortunately my Step Dad could replace most bits.
I moved out at 17 to live with my boyfriend in a crappy shared house. It was a real dive. Not even a washing machine so my Saturday was taken up doing handwashing. Suffice to say the relationship didn't last and I moved between my Mums house and various shared houses until I was 24. During this period I also left the bank and had countless jobs as I got bored very easily and nothing felt like a really good fit, I was trying to find my way. I sold insurance, worked in British Gas customer service, a secretary, a P.A., UPS driver, hotel receptionist, au pair in Switzerland for a week, skip company administrator, bar staff in a nightclub, recruitment consultant. I changed jobs at the drop of a hat. I'm proud to say the British Gas job had over 1000 applications for 6 roles and I was one of the lucky ones so I seemed to be able to get jobs relatively easily. I've always worked as I had bills to pay and liked going to the pub and driving around in my car so needed money and didn't get any benefits from the Government or help from my folks. I still paid my endowment policy but didn't have anything in savings.
In 1996 I wanted to buy a house, by then I had a good job as an assistant to the Company Secretary of a major drinks brand. I was earning £14k per year at 24. I couldn't afford to buy a place on my own so my sister, who is a year younger than me, and I decided to buy a place together. I found a repossessed ex rented town house, very neglected but three bedrooms, right location for us both and £47k. At this point our Mum gave us £5k for the deposit which was money she'd saved for our weddings. Whilst she might be the Queen of Tight, we wouldn't have been able to get that house without her deposit and I'll be eternally grateful for that help she gave us. (She'd been a cleaner for years and my Step Dad was a skip driver so they certainly didn't earn masses to be able to save that for us).
We got second hand furniture and household bits from car boots, the dump and charity shops and hand me downs from friends and family. We gradually decorated the place cheaply with just a lick of paint, keeping the old kitchen, bathroom and carpets.
Six months after buying the place I was made redundant. As I'd not been with the company very long I didn't get any redundancy other than a months salary. Now I start temping while I found another permanent job and fortunately after a few months I managed to get a one year temp contract for a global retailer whose head office is a mile from my house on their Y2K IT project. I was still interviewing for permanent positions elsewhere when they said if they made my position permanent would I stay? I jumped at the chance. I loved the job and the people I worked with. And that's how I started my career working in IT as a complete fluke. I trained for more technical roles to get off the administrative workstream and stayed there for 18 years ending up as a manager. I got my project management qualification and understood all about budgets, time, cost, resources, dependencies etc.
I bought my sister out from our house in 1999 when she wanted to move in with her boyfriend and I got a couple of lodgers to help pay the bills. I loved that period of my life. Work was fab, lots of friends and nights out and parties and fun. I paid my bills and had fun but was still sensible with my spending, did my own DIY, took out another endowment policy, started being able to afford to save a little bit each month. I'd had boyfriends here and there before meeting my husband via Friends Reunited in 2002. We used to be friends at the school I'd gone to as a child. He was on a year long trip of Australia when we started chatting online and came back with nothing but a student loan when we met. He moved in after 2 weeks and we married after less than 3 months. I was 30. Suffice to say the marriage a disaster, but I wanted a child and will never regret that we married because I got my wonderful son from the liaison. My husband didn't get a job at all until about 2 months before I was due to give birth and never paid anything towards our living expenses so I still had a couple of lodgers to help with the bills. We stayed there until 2005 when we moved to my current house. In 2007 we did our own divorce paperwork bar the final seal of approval by a solicitor and the courts. We amicably agreed what maintenance he would pay towards our son and our custody schedule to minimise our legal costs.
I had a lodger for 3 years from 07 to 2010 and managed to scrimp and save enough to pay off my mortgage just before my lodger left in 2010. I was keeping a house, working full time, juggling a child in day care and then school, I was keeping my house clean, my clothes washed and ironed, the bills paid, the garden kempt. Cooking from scratch always and I still don't have a dishwasher. I was working my way up the ladder at work. I exercised before work at home on a stepper or exercise bike and took lunchtime walks. I took my boy to swimming lessons, golf on Saturday morning, cubs or whatever other club he belonged to on school nights. Never missed a parents evening or school play or fete. I bathed and read to my son every night before bed. We did something together most weekends he was with me. I'm nothing special, I just wanted to be the best mum I could, the best employee I could, the best friend I could, keep a nice neat, tidy and clean home. I didn’t go out much, didn't even date until 2012 because I wanted to concentrate on my son but I was content with my existence. I never went without, or more importantly felt I was going without because I had a decent standard of living to me. I have a lovely house on a very nice estate in a very nice town.
Thinking back now, it was a slog. But one that was worth every penny to me.
When I viewed my house for the first time I put an offer in straight away. I said, 'I'll rip out that bathroom', 'I'll move the garage there'. I've still got the same pink bathroom and the garage hasn't moved. They are both clean and functional and over the years have realised I don't need to change them.
I could write loads about what I've done to the place over the years. But that's not the point.
The point is this - it's bought and paid for and will top up my work and state pension. My son will leave home one day and I'll downsize or move abroad to the sun.
My home isn't a show-home, it's loved and lived in. I still have the chest of drawers I inherited with the repossessed town house I bought in 1996. It's been painted a couple of times but it still works and looks good to me. I've still got a frying pan my mum gave me in 1996. Still works, still clean. I look after what I have to help it last as long as possible so I don't have to buy another one. And I still check my bank balance every day. Still look at reduced items at the shops. Still try to minimise my household bills. It's because of doing that that I'm able to not have to work. I do work, but not every day, maybe 5 days a month. And I have June to September off every year. I'm 52.
I never knew I'd be this lucky. I've suffered with depression and low self esteem my whole life. I have an eating disorder. And my counsellor told me last year I am autistic. None of those things stopped me. It's only in my later years I realised none of those things will hold anyone back if they choose to live their best life in spite of them, not use them as an excuse not to make an effort. I'm solely accountable for my financial well-being.
You have a choice how you prioritise your time and your money. The joy of not having to go to work for anyone else is wonderful. Being financially independent and self sufficient is empowering. All I did was stop mindlessly spending and start saving. One penny at a time. If I can do it, with all my baggage, so can anyone.
Start small, have a small target, just do something towards it. Don't make excuses, see the end goal. Feel chuffed as nuts for not following the herd and the media. They want you to believe you'll feel happier if you have x, y and z. I'll tell you, nothing beats having no money worries and being totally content with what you have.
While this is my real story, I write this site under the pen name Lady Frugal to protect my privacy and speak completely candidly about money. To keep me (and you!) on track, I've also brought along my blunt alter ego, The Strict Witch. Curious about how this dynamic works and how she can save your wallet? Click here to read the story behind the names